My philosophy as a mediator, or as a facilitator, is to help parties have the conversations they want to have, to help them convey what they would like to convey, and to make sure each person feels heard and understood. This may sound simple, but most of us — even mediators, in their personal lives — have a difficult time, during some conflicts, of making our thoughts, ideas, focuses, concerns, emotions and intentions clearly heard, respected, considered and understood. At the same time, we are often unable to hear the other person’s thoughts, ideas, concerns, focuses, emotions and intentions clearly, and to respect, consider and understand them. When a mediator is able to help parties to do this, the issues sometimes resolve themselves. At other times, the mediator helps the parties clarify and pinpoint the issues. In all contexts — even in political, international and business contexts — the issues underlying the concerns that disagreeing parties have are often not clearly laid out in a way that includes all nuance but is understandable and concisely stated. Again, when this is done, very often the matter resolves itself.
Sometimes the resolution of a disagreement requires parties to let their thoughts settle and come around to a new view of the situation. Sometimes, the mediator can be helpful by helping parties think through options or decide whether additional information is needed and how to attain it.
Choosing a Mediator
It is very challenging for parties to find a mediator that suits their needs. There is wide variation in the practice of mediation, and no easy way for the public to distinguish between one mediator and another. It is important for potential parties to find out about the training and experience of the mediator. Mediators should have a long history of attending trainings in the process of mediation and should also have a good deal of experience. Those who have worked with mentors and as co-mediators generally have a much more sophisticated understanding of how to mediate. Those who have volunteered in community dispute resolution centers have often received excellent training. In addition to training, however, there is the need to have a mediator mindset. The mediator should understand how to help the parties think about and express their goals and perspectives, and should be able to help parties hear and understand each other. The mediator should know how to keep the dialogue going and help the parties think about ways to resolve their concerns.
The standards of practice subscribed to by most mediation organizations provide that the mediator should promote the self-determination of the parties. Thus, when parties come to mediation, the mediator should have them each say what they would like to achieve in mediation, then help them understand one another’s goals, needs, interests and desires. This may sound like a pro forma step, but in fact, this part of the mediation is crucial and often leads to a clarification of misunderstandings and a clarity in the minds of both parties. Having this type of conversation without a mediator is sometimes very difficult, especially when emotions are involved. In addition, people do not always think specifically in terms of goals. When asked to do so in mediation, they often learn something about what they themselves want.
After the parties have discussed their perspectives, the mediator should find ways of keeping the dialogue going in a way that helps the participants think of ways to achieve their own goals while helping the other party achieve their goals as well. This requires hard work on the part of the mediator and the parties. However, the short cut of having the mediator think of solutions for the parties is one that is much less likely to be satisfying to the parties over time. As a facilitative mediator, I am highly respectful of the parties, and work to support their efforts to come to a resolution of their own making.
My Background, Training, and Experience
I have attended an abundance of trainings and continuing education programs in mediation, beginning in 1995, and am very involved in the field. I write mediation articles and also conduct workshops and discussion groups for mediators. I have also moderated continuing education presentations in the field. I was certified as a mediator by the Unified Court System to mediate in the community dispute resolution centers in New York State, and volunteered as a mediator in hundreds of cases in that capacity. As part of that program, I co-mediated and worked with a mentor. Subsequently, I worked as a mentor to other mediators. I have also been certified as a mediator by NYSDRA. I am on several mediation panels, and mediate regularly in the New York City Family Court Mediation Program. I mediate in both the business and personal realms.
I am an immediate past co-president of the Family and Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York, and work very hard to enhance the practice of mediation in all realms. I am a graduate of Columbia Law School and was formerly a member of the Alternative Dispute Resolution Committee of the Association of the Bar of the City of New York and worked on the Mediation Qualification Subcommittee.
My Articles
The following are some articles I have written which discuss more specifically my views on how to mediate:
The Art and Science of Summarization in Mediation
Neutrality is Desirable and Attainable
Serving the Needs of Our Clients in Mediation
Please click on the links at the top of the page to find out more about each type of mediation, or a little more about me.
